My own making.

Do I know sadness?

In a room

Made in my mind

I have suffered

In secret

I have hurt

In public

I have loved

And I have lost

Pick me up

Begin again

Look back to move forward

The steps that climb too high

Yet I am here

Still breathing

Sometimes gasping

An old man

A young heart

Irony in that

I laugh

A bit too loud

A bit too long

I am not as crazy as most

And I hide it well

Cup of tea

Calm the nerves

And forget the sadness.



Where love is laughter
Between smiling eyes
I find my happy
In the simple ties
In a stolen glance
The slightest touch
It says it all
It says so much
We don’t need riches
We don’t need things
We just need laughter
That’s what love brings.


Your hand was strength,
Your smile my sun,
Your night-time stories,
Made imagination fun.

Your positive view,
Making all just right,
Your arms around me,
Making the dark so light.

You chased away monsters,
You made bully’s tears go,
You were my defender,
and let your love show.

When I was older,
You still stood beside,
Even when I was lost,
With you I could never hide.

Now you and I are older,
And I have children of my own,
You are always my mommy,
Thank you for what you have shown.

Happy Mommy’s Day.


Middle Aged Meandering. :)

You are me, not literally, but I think you share some traits. We are all individuals with dreams and hopes. We live for a short time on this little ball and then we move on. I have reached that middle ground, where what I was in youth has become an older man.

I have regrets. I think most of us do. We look back at what we thought our life would be and see very little in what life has become. I look at my parents and see the same thing written on their faces, see the same smiles at accepting the inevitability of living. Life gets in the way of dreams.

I have impacted very little in my life. I have dreamed more than most. I have walked down a path and imagined more than just an asphalt trail. I dreamed of writing a novel, dreamed of ┬ásaving a life, dreamed of miracles and seen none of them arrive. I get up, I waste time, I work and then start again. There are laughs and some smiles, but always a what if…

This is what makes us who we are. The what ifs and the what could have beens. It’s a reflection of a universe that never came into being, not for me. I have so many failures and few celebrations, yet I continue with being human.

I suppose I am in a new phase, one that takes hold of us all at some age. I have three beautiful children, gifts that make up for so many failures. I have someone who cares for me, loves me and that brings me a smile. To look back is to try to put together the puzzle of ones own life. I have never been very good with puzzles, I lose pieces.

So I will say to you who read these few lines. Life is what it is…it gets in the way, but also lets us dream. In dreams we escape the doldrums and for a few the dreams do become reality. I hope, that as I travel the back-end of this journey I see some dreams come true.

soliloquy of the dead.

and in the brief light of day,
upon my face it came to stay,
a dark shadow spurned by naught,
‘cept the the conjurings of thought.

in this brief light of day,
the flickering likes to play,
shrouding head and mind,
with some evil left to bind.

I see little in this in this dark,
though the sun is raw and stark,
something caught behind my eyes,
convincing me of half truth lies.

the weary traveler am I,
never leaving this false blue sky,
forever wondering inside my cell,
how far in mind I have fell.

and yet the sun dips its head,
and the shadows are no longer fed,
my eyes are clear with lost sight,
without the shade so bright.

in blackness i see again,
a cold but wondrous friend,
I lay me down to blissful sleep,
knowing the sun continues to creep.

goodnight sweet friends I call to wind,
the comforting man in the moon has grinned,
the stars have sung a lullaby,
my breath seeps a restful sigh.

I wait the shadows still to come,
with lullaby’s tune on lips to hum,
I do not wish these shadows of day,
with death there is a price to pay.

and then light…

When you live as I have lived, you become a bit disillusioned with the world around you. You watch the news, listen to the radio, surf the Net for whatever is trending at that moment. What I saw was pain, hurt and anguish all around me. From the gossip, to the wars that plagued humankind.

I have lived a life. Sometimes good, mostly bad. Experience teaches that the darkness is caused by the clouds overhead, thick and grey. Looking up you would never think that there was a sun or even light. It was a cloud made by indifference and acceptance of what is.

I once stood apart from that, but slowly drowned. I have loved and lost, fought and been beaten down. I have climbed the mountain only to find it barren. I seemed to die a little inside, slowly, by endless misfortune.

And then…

There was a break in the clouds. A ray of light shining down to this cold form. I felt the heat, squinted at the light, felt the breath of change on my heavy shoulder. She was woman, hope and love. She was a smile that had no cost. She was eyes that saw me and ears that heard me. She was logic and laughter. She made my clouds part and the sky was so blue. I lost my breath, in awe of the wonder I had missed for years. The wonder of someone…who cared.

This is happy.