A Canopy of Stars

She woke under a canopy of stars, each one blinking with as much surprise as she. Her hand touched the soft grass beneath her, a breeze caressed her face as it raced across the meadow. She sat up letting her eyes adjust to the dark. The moon was full and the sky clear. She was in a meadow surrounded by trees. It was as if mother nature had built a castle just for her. She heard some rustling now and then as small rabbits or frightened mice moved through the grass.

She looked down at herself and could barely make out a floral house coat. Not a robe but something more substantial. Her hair was dark in the moonlight and her hands seemed so much younger than she remembered. A noise across the meadow made her look up and a large stag broke through the treeline. He was huge and muscular. His crown of bone as long as he was tall. He was magnificent and she felt a tear roll down her cheek.
She stood up slowly. She didn’t want to spook the grand king of this wood. As she did the King moved toward her. He raced quickly from the wood to her in seconds, stopping five feet from her. She saw into his black eyes. They seemed as clear as the purest crystal. She kept still slowly reaching out her hand. To her surprise the King knelt before her and let her touch his proud nose. Her smile was a big as the swelling in her heart as she heard a soft voice somewhere far away.

In the white room the machines beeped and growled. Wires winding across the tiled floor to the single bed. Sitting on the bed was a young girl, no more than seven. She clutched onto a piece of paper that she held up to show the woman lying still beneath her.

“And see Nana. It’s so beautiful here and the King comes to say hi. He is a good King…so gentle. He will let you pat him and you won’t hurt anymore. I love you Nana.”

The girl lay back against the woman, still holding up the picture of a meadow, under stars, with the King standing proud.

Light of you.

Like a flicker in the night

your eyes seemed to sparkle

your smile seemed to shine

your skin glowed

your breath a ribbon of light

your hair like sun rays

your touch flashed lightning

and the dark was gone

no need to hide

no need to worry about monsters

no blindness for the sightless man

no whispers never heard

no tears drying in the sand

the light of you

made me soar.

 

Everyone Else.

To a whisper I say hello

To a wind I say follow

To a storm I say hold

To a wall I say break

To a word I say repeat

To a child I say live

To the old I say give

To a friend I give love

To an enemy I give a hug

To the lost I give the way

To the night I give the day

To myself I say…

To myself I give…

nothing.

Confession of Depression.

I remember back when the world was heavy. The days were so long, riddled with grief and pain. There was a loss, so deep that to fall into it meant falling forever and I fell. The mind raced within a crawl. I didn’t think pain could come from inside. I didn’t think it could hurt for so long. All I wanted was to get it out and I did,

A line of red, dripping down the arm was like watching a favourite movie. Each line seemed to let out the agony. Each cut closer and closer to the hairless wrist below. The mind imagines a sleep deep and dreamless. It imagines a peace that comes with nothing, with nonexistence. To be gone, so easy, like snapping the fingers. As horrible as it sounds, that thought could bring a smile.

Days and days of red lines and dreams of nothing. Waiting for the end, but never following through. That in itself showed a hope, no matter how small. As the scars healed a soul perhaps began to heal too. those close tried to be closer and i pushed them away. Humans are still a species alien to me, but then I just hated them all.

So what changed? My children not laughing at their silly father. My parents out living a son. My own up bringing, stupid Catholics, and in a strange way a human. The mysteries of life coming back to the fallen. The fall ending, not with a thump, but slowing enough to put both feet on the ground. I wear a mask of smiles from time to time, but that is how you fool the dark.

Confession of Depression.

 

 

Circle.

What does it mean when the sun sets.

The day says goodnight,

The Night says hello,

The sky turns to dark,

And the moon comes to play.

What does it mean when the moon retreats.

The night ends its reign,

The day is born again,

The sky returns to blue.

And I marvel at this world,

The cycle and the turns,

From day to night,

Then night to day,

What a life from dark,

To brightest golden ray.

 

Unworthy of.

When I look inside,

Deep within,

I cannot hide,

From my sins.

If I journey long,

On the path of fate,

I am always wrong,

Filled with hate.

This is why I need,

I solid rock,

A rooted seed,

An iron Lock.

You are more than hope,

In a life of fear,

You help me cope,

Just by being here.

Never doubt,

I cherish your love,

Day in, day out,

I am unworthy of.

 

 

Waking.

And all I know is I must be sure,

In this life there’s the perfect cure,

The kingdom comes as I fall down,

I’m the clown.

And all I know is I’m insecure,

I see the truth as the biggest lure,

The kingdom comes as I close my eye,

It’s my disguise.

And I look for something so obscure,

I wonder if I am immature,

The kingdom comes as I lose sight,

Am I right?

And I stand so tall, self-assured,

No more travelling a dark detour,

The kingdom comes as I see,

No I in we.